Started 60mg of Geodon two days ago. I feel on edge about every little pain in my jaw or grogginess.

My hubby has been sweet and reassuring during this transition. He is my smismar.

I want to drop the lithium and feel less drugged, but I get the need to take it slow. My psychiatrist is going on vacation as well, and he’s not keen on me manic while he is away. Both my therapist and psychiatrist are taking vacations at the same time. The nerve of providers, thinking they get vacations.

I worry about keeping up with the Joneses at work. I work remotely, but it is stressful, and I feel more bumbly now. I try to imagine what to tell my boss, if they notice. I tell them nothing about my mental health. I don’t need to offer any ammunition. It is a job I will probably try to leave after I stabilize.

I try to remind myself the last big med change occurred in a hospital when I was 16. This is a big change, and it’s OK to be scared. Thanks, Self. I’d like to picture my future self thanking me for making the switch. My future self with happier kidneys and dreams.