As I was growing weary of being weary and having some jaw pain, my doc suggested taking all 60mg of Geodon at night. I started the night before last. All went well until I woke at three AM feeling like there was no way I could go back to sleep, like there was a mild current coursing through my body. I got up ate some cookies and milk and took a half a clonazepam. This got me back to sleep, but made me super tired for work.

Last night was thankfully a Friday, so I could afford to sleep poorly. Sleep is so important with bipolar disorder that I found myself feeling a panicky as it got later and later, and I didn’t feel the urge to nod off. I took magnesium and two clonazepams. As my husband nodded off, I threw on some Taskmaster (my TV drug of choice). I slept all the way through the night last night. Huzzah for a better night sleep.

I had a bit of a setback with labs. My kidney labs were high again, it felt troubling that I’m going through this transition to see my labs get worse. Ugh. Just ugh. I know that I can’t stop the damage done to my kidneys, but my levels had been good the last few goes. I keep up hope that this is for the best. I had a sub endo doc last week, and he said he wouldn’t have suggested I stop Lithium. I told my psych this, and he said he was glad I got a second opinion. Aaaak. After my kidney and endo docs both told me to quit, I get frustrated getting mixed messages.

On the plus side, I’m still having beautiful, vivid dreams. I hope this continues.

I am hoping for a smoother night tonight. May my sleep be restful and deep.