Tag: side effects

Slaying the Depakote-Fear Dragon

On By SararosesIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

I started taking Depakote 500mg BID on December 1st. The first day I felt like a zombie, I had trouble speaking and concentrating. I was so disheartened. I contacted my Pdoc immediately and asked if I could take both doses at night. Immediately helped. I felt like myself again.

Knowing that my doctor warned of weight gain and hair loss, I started to fret. My brother suggested I start my Moira Rose era. So far, I haven’t lost weight, but I have also been moving a lot. As far as hair care goes, I try not to add supplements to this chemical cocktail I already take, so I started using rosemary oil. At the very least, it smells nice.

My lithium has been reduced from 750 to 450mg. Hu-freaking-zah. My sleep is the main thing I notice. Sleep is sacred, and I’m getting 6-7 hours now, and 8 is my sweet spot. I keep waking at 2 or 3am. I’ve been doing some early am shopping, but I always keep it under 50 bucks and make sure it is “practical” in my sleepy brain. Thank goddess for Amazon’s return policey. I’ve had two or three nights of eight hours over the last few weeks. We moved on Sunday, so I’m hoping that I’m also getting used to the new place.

I’ve been using the Bipolar UK app to track my mood, and I couldn’t suggest it more. My nephew who was just dx started using it, too. He showed me how to look at trends. It made me feel so much better to see that I’m in a pretty safe zone based on my daily records.

“Step One of my Ridiculously Circuitous Plan: Complete!” Bender, Futurama

Insomnia Tap Tap Tapping at my Chamber Door

On By SararosesIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

Last night I went to bed at the normal time. I took one clonazepam. I listened to over an hour of sleep meditations. They started to infuriate me. I got out of bed multiple times. I tried cookies and milk. I even tried watching Taskmaster. I woke up my husband which was not helpful for him. I just felt so helpless. I took a second clonazepam at 11. The later it got, the more I worried about being able to work today. I woke up exhausted, and I called out sick. I slept until ten (hopefully this won’t affect my sleep).

My doctor suggests CBTI for sleep. Now that I have a new drug and my brain psyching me out, it is time to dust off my sleep book. Putting on my study cap. I’m going to crack this case! Turn off screens, read a book, amass an arsenal today of sleep tools from “Sleep Through Insomnia”.

I think writing down how terrified I am of not sleeping could help. As my mom used to say to me, what is the worst that could happen? I may become manic and out of control and need inpatient tx or do something dangerous. I seem to have some legit fears, but if I throw some logic at it, it would take multiple nights for a worse case scenario. My husband would notice symptoms. Also, worrying is probably 80% of the problem. I shall channel my best Hermione, and hit the book. 🧙🏼🧹

Paying the Piper

On By SararosesIn bipolar, Journal, Mental HealthLeave a comment

I’ve been taking lithium since I was 16.  With only three manias under my belt, I feel that it has been a mostly successful treatment.  I was warned of the negative side effects, but they always felt small next to the possibility of losing touch with reality.   I’ve never noticed most them, because lithium has always been a part of my life (except toxicity – that is hell on earth).

When I turned forty, my specialists seemed to multiply like a wet gremlin.  This year, I started seeing an endocrinologist who is treating hypercalcemia and hyperparathyroidism that have sprung up over the last couple of years.  She suggested I stop taking lithium.  To hear someone casually suggest that made my heart drop to my stomach.  When I talked to my psychiatrist, we both agreed that decreasing would be a better first step than switching to a new drug.  Ugh.  The thought of switching scares me more than bathing in spiders; I still remember the pain of starting lithium.  He also mentioned that there is a journal that states that if you have been taking lithium for more than ten years, the calcium/parathyroid imbalances may be permanent.  So, yay, I could go through a painful switch for other side effects plus these.

He reduced my dose by 150mg the Monday before last.  That week I was terrified of every ounce of glee and not falling to sleep.  My husband watched me like a hawk, which always makes me feel loved but a little anxious.  Friday of that week, I dislocated my shoulder, probably Her way of getting my mind off of the lithium.  However, it messed with my sleep (the most important thing to someone with bipolar disorder).  Two nights in a row, I woke up wide awake at 1am or 2am in too much pain and too alert to go back to sleep (or was I manic?).  I once had a provider say one night is OK, two is cause for concern.  I sparingly took diclofenac, something my doctor warned me to not take for more than a week (ibuprofen and lithium are bad bedfellows, but let’s not think about kidneys right now).

The shoulder is back in place (ouch), and I’ve started PT.  The sleep has normalized, and my husband said that I’m more myself now.  We’ll see if the reduction of lithium helps reduce the endo issues in a few months.

The main thing that I have noticed, is that I’m dreaming again, well remembering them.  I haven’t remembered my dreams, steadily, since I was a teenager.  It is kind of amazing, except for the nightmares. Crossing my fingers for sweet dreams and steady sleeping.