Tag: sleep

Medication Transition Part IV

On By SararosesIn Mental Health3 Comments

After Lamictal gave me rashes, my Pdoc suggested Seroquel. I tried for a few days, but the fatigue was like a perma-hangover. I need to be on top of my game at work, so this is a no go. I also had trouble sleeping. I learned from my Sleep doctor that antipsychotics exacerbate sleep movement disorders. If it’s not one thing it is six others. 😐 He wanted me to switch to Latuda (another antipsychotic). Ugh.

I joined an amazing forum called Bipolar UK https://ecommunity.bipolaruk.org/. I learned so much from the users there. I’m going to try Depakote next. He said it works better for mania, which has always been my biggest issue for the last thirty years. The worst depression/anxiety came from the Geodon trial.

Earlier this month my mother-in-law died, and almost ten of her family members contracted COVID while visiting her. This was my first COVID dx. There is some relief that I don’t have to live in a bubble worrying about getting it. It was unpleasant but manageable. The hardest part was that none of us could be there when she died. Being high risk, I was prescribed Paxlovid, and the nurse told me to stop taking my sleep meds (clonazepam). If I had a nickel every time that happened, I’d have 10 cents, but it SUCKS. It has been 25 days and I am still sleeping 4-5 hours. My sleep doc told me to up my Clonazepam to 2-3 mg. I had one eight hours and last night was five. It gets so frustrating not being able to sleep. I get so down on my self, even though I know it is my brain. In the morning my husband registers worry and pain on his face, and I feel even worse.

We are moving in with his father to help take care of him. When I got my psychology undergrad in the 90s, I remember a list of the worst stressors. It feels like I’m hitting too many at once – death, moving, hypomania, lack of sleep, and the therapist is closing her practice. Luckily, my relationship with my hubby of 25 years last month is as strong as ever.

We bought ourselves laptops for retail therapy. So far, I love it. Gives me a way to write, work on my photos, learn more things (knitting, guitar/cello), meet more people. I’m aware that my social circle has dwindled to just a few people. I’d like to get back to UU church and go to some meetups. I had a mediation group with my mother-in-law, but I need to find a new one.

I’m finally getting to a point where I don’t need to repeat things over and over to keep focus. When I can’t sleep I’ve been noting things I don’t want to forget. It includes fifty items that I dropped into AI, to create a categorized Google Sheet. I also started a Google Sheet of MBA programs. AI has been super helpful, and it is the only thing that feels like it keeps up with a manic brain.

I’m tired and ready to slow down. I hope I sleep all night tomorrow, because we are moving our offices to my in-laws tomorrow.

A little meandery today, but I wanted to jump back on the blog.

Hope for the future.

Everything Everywhere All At Once is not Sustainable

On By SararosesIn Mental Health2 Comments

After a few days of poor sleep, I took a Seroquel last night at 9:30pm. I went to bed immediately knowing that it can affect my mobility. At 10pm, I woke up with a rapid heartbeat. I started to panic that it had interacted with something else, and there was no way to turn back. I took an ECG test on my watch. The results were that it was not a-fib and my HR was 99. After imagining the worst for a bit, I did some deep breathing and fell back to sleep. I slept for eleven solid, blissful hours. I woke up this morning and asked the interwebs about the rapid heart rate – BARD (told me to go to the ER), Google, and Reddit. I found that a rapid heartbeat can be a side effect of Seroquel. Phew. 

I had a lovely day. First, my hubby and I met this morning. We meet every week to discuss aspects of our life, and we have done this for about ten years. I love our strategy sessions and brainstorming to make our lives run more smoothly.  We also use it to discuss things like our mental health.

The movie title “Everything Everywhere All at Once” is a great five words to describe hypomania/mania.

Today, I:

  • Created a Sheet recommendation list (movies/tv/books/podcasts/restaurants, etc.) and shared it with my friends. I’m always adding people’s recommendations to my Notes app and losing them.
  • Created a Sheet to hold our meeting notes (topics: money, house, exercise, deposits, etc.).
    • Deposits – activities that add to my emotional bank (tarot, knitting, movies, video games, etc.).
  • Set Tasks and reminders for myself and our home – laundry, changed sheets, cleaned the table.
  • Watched RuPaul’s Drag Race while FaceTiming with friends.
  • Reached out to a friend who wanted to FaceTime this weekend.
  • Cancelled the group mediation group I started three weeks ago due to the ice. 
  • Listened to the American Gods soundtrack (I too often listen to the same music on a loop).
  • Watched a movie from my recommendations – Lloyd the Conqueror (entertained us both, which is a masterful feat).
  • Played some World of Warcraft

I think the biggest win I had today was not going for a walk this evening when my task reminder went off.  I have to remind myself to simmer down and focus on just being here.

Simmer Down Plan

  • Make some tea with inositol
  • Start a fire (we are having temperatures in the teens)
  • Listen to my “Simmer Down” Apple Music playlist
  • Knit the scarf I started when I had surgery. One of these days I need to learn how to cast off…
  • Catch up on my Ten Percent Happier meditation challenge (Imperfect Meditation)
  • Early bedtime with a clonazepam at the ready
Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

C is for Clonazepam

On By SararosesIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

I have stopped regularly taking clonazepam. For many years, I took it nightly to sleep. It was prescribed after I learned it could help stave off mania if I catch it early. I now only take it if I can’t sleep well. Last night, I woke up at 2am and couldn’t go back to sleep. At three, I took a clonazepam and started reading a biography about Orson Welles instead of getting sucked into TikTok. My solid, well-protected, almost eight hours of sleep a night has been slipping. I’ve been so exhausted and busy today. Or normally busy with a side of exhaustion. 

I’m glad that I logged on today, because I just remembered that I have Seroquel in my tool pouch. The downside is that I will feel hung over tomorrow, but it is worth it if I can get my sleep schedule righted.

I just finished watching the movie “Self Reliance” on Hulu. It was a good movie. I didn’t know much about it, but it was not great timing for a movie that reminded me so much of 1997 movie “The Game.” I switched it to “Ted” for my hubby, and this show is definitely not for me. It’s time to retire, pop a prescribed pill, and learn more about Orson Welles. 

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” – Ernest Hemingway

Insomnia Tap Tap Tapping at my Chamber Door

On By SararosesIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

Last night I went to bed at the normal time. I took one clonazepam. I listened to over an hour of sleep meditations. They started to infuriate me. I got out of bed multiple times. I tried cookies and milk. I even tried watching Taskmaster. I woke up my husband which was not helpful for him. I just felt so helpless. I took a second clonazepam at 11. The later it got, the more I worried about being able to work today. I woke up exhausted, and I called out sick. I slept until ten (hopefully this won’t affect my sleep).

My doctor suggests CBTI for sleep. Now that I have a new drug and my brain psyching me out, it is time to dust off my sleep book. Putting on my study cap. I’m going to crack this case! Turn off screens, read a book, amass an arsenal today of sleep tools from “Sleep Through Insomnia”.

I think writing down how terrified I am of not sleeping could help. As my mom used to say to me, what is the worst that could happen? I may become manic and out of control and need inpatient tx or do something dangerous. I seem to have some legit fears, but if I throw some logic at it, it would take multiple nights for a worse case scenario. My husband would notice symptoms. Also, worrying is probably 80% of the problem. I shall channel my best Hermione, and hit the book. 🧙🏼🧹