“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s Party!’”
— Robin Williams

The sun has been shining for days. This is a bit peculiar in this neck of the woods, so I have the windows open and will go outside for a walk this afternoon. Yet I will temper my hypomanic little self and not go for a walkabout.

Last night, I took a Seroquel to sleep heavy. I avoid this one as much as possible. This is my heavy hitter, my Harley’s Hammer to get some sound sleep. It puts me to sleep and keeps me there. However, waking up feels like fighting a battle against sleep (and walking around at night is bruisy).

For decades, I didn’t know there were medications that simmer me down (I think I’ve lamented this in a previous post). I knew that antidepressants could throw me for a loop and Lithium can stabilize, but not 100% (for me). So I played the game of wait for mania. Winning this game was often accompanied by an incredulous look from a doctor and some variation of the words “you must not be taking your lithium.”

When my husband gets sick (hospitalized/ED sick), I often push myself into exhaustion and out jumps my friend mania. I don’t blame her, I think she is there to help me eek out that extra energy I need. When I start to feel “keyed” or like I’m turned up to 11, I take a clonazepam and do something that will help me simmer down now; listen to music – super chill playlists, breathe, tapping and VR meditate (new additions to the repertoire), etc. I feel like a robot fighting to power itself down. Gentle huzzah, sometimes it works. I’m still in gently choppy waters. Breathe in four, hold four, out eight. Tomorrow is another day.