I am getting over a nasty respiratory tract infection plus asthma. The doctor I saw over televist wanted to prescribe prednisone, and asked why it says I’m “allergic”. I said that it triggers mania in me. So he prescribed a steroid inhaler, which did give me my breath back. They always say “it is not systemic,” and I always fall for that line. Doctors and their fifty-cent words.

Being sick meant I had a few three-to-four hour day night’s of sleep. As my breathing got better, my sleep did not. Pressured speech, doing hundred things at once (including being in the busiest season at work). My therapist noticed, and gave me this assignment.

1. Sleep 7-10 hours (taking 2 clonazepam nightly until I’m stable).
2. No caffeine (I had some last Monday, and my coworker said I was talking too fast, so I blamed the caffeine and switched to barley tea)
3. Low lights
4. Limit extracurricular activities to 1-2 per day (I have a long list of self-care activities, and she knows I feel compelled to do them all.)
5. Take breaks during work (I’m working 10+ hours with straight meetings/work/work-meetings. Any time I get even five minutes, I shut my eyes and do a breathing exercise.)
6. At least 15 minutes of quiet time (no screens/maybe guided meditation)
7. My husband and I meet weekly to go over things like home, money, “deposits”. Have a brief meeting every night to go check in. Also where I am on the UK mood scale.
8. Check in with my therapist on my app daily (highest heart rate and why, exercise?, HRV level and notes).

I took today and Monday off to see my best friend and booked a hotel, because I knew I’d be busy now (just at work). Since then hubby and I bought a car and are moving to a new apartment next week. There is a list of major stressors, and I think I’ve ticked most of them. The chosen ones (car/apt) will be great in the long run. I pulled my husband through some stressors these few weeks. I am concerned when I get manic, and I see my husband stress to keep up. The worried/tired look on his face is a good litmus test for how bad it is for me. It helps me to push myself to slow down for his sake. As he get more stressed and crises get higher, I feel more relaxed. My therapist mentioned this is common in people who suffer PTSD, if you have a history of trauma, crises feel normal. When things are mellow, you feel uncomfortable. This is probably why I enjoyed working on the suicide/crisis hotline so much. She said, even though I feel calm, my cortisol is still spiking and this is not a healthy place to stay.

I think the only people benefit fom my hypomania is work. I wear multiple hats with different departments, and I often have many different people reaching out to me at the same time. I have three computers for two “places”. This week, I’ve been in meetings all day for deadlines in three departments coming up (twice in two meetings at once – thanks Google). AI has been a blessing and a curse, I can program/draft memos/agendas, etc., so much faster now, but AI goes as quickly as I do, so I have to force myself to take breaks. I’m learning multiple different systems, and I’m an admin or backup admin to two already.

Today is my day off, and I need to go back to that list again and again. I may play a video game, I’ve been playing cozy games, but I really want to play Subliminal. I’ll give it a try. I will also pick some non-screen extra-curriculars like coloring and packing.